Working Moms Make It Work

Social Media and Our Kids

2011-12-01T13:31:00.002-05:00

I am a social media marketer by trade and have spent the past 7 years engaging in social media strategy and practice, in addition to other marketing activities. Still, I am very passionate about how online communities and sharing capabilities can connect brands with customers in a way that nothing else really can. And I also enjoy the personal connections that I have been able to maintain as a result of social networking.

But I'm also a parent of a 9 year old and a 6 year old. Both use electronic devices to play games and my son is now starting to use the Internet to do online research for projects. Within a few years, I have no doubt that he will start to have interest in online communities like Facebook and others. As a responsible parent, I'm concerned about how my children will use these social networking platforms as they get older. Between the stories we hear about online predators, as well as cyber bullying, we can't help the instinct to protect our kids.

So here's an article that I read today that I really enjoyed entitled, Friend Me or Else: A Parent's View of Teens and Facebook. In this article, Catharine Taylor provides some wise advice on how parents can allow Facebook use in a responsible way. She offers up some tips like insisting that kids use avatars in place of profile pictures and ensuring that they don't publish information like what town they live in. Now, I haven't been a teen in a while (thank God) and my kids are not yet at this stage so I'm sure that these suggestions would be met with some protest. But even if you can agree to at least a few of these guidelines, you have at least sent the message to your kids that you care what happens to them online and that you plan to be involved.

So I say let them use Facebook...it's the way that we communicate and it's here to stay. Let them benefit and learn to use it responsibly.

Cheers,

Renay

What we can learn from Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T00:16:00.003-04:00

Today I pre-ordered my iPhone 4S. I have been anxiously awaiting the launch of the iPhone 5 but alas it appears that it will not happen for a while. And then tonight I read the news - the death of Steve Jobs. I know that I should not be surprised but I was...and saddened at the loss of someone who was a true innovator and leader.

As I read an article about his death that also detailed some of the lesser known facts about his life, something struck me. I did not realize that this man who by all accounts was brilliant, forward-thinking and driven did not take a typical path. For instance, he dropped out of college after his first year and he quit his job at Atari designing computer games to backpack through India, also indulging in mind-altering drugs. From there, he met up with the other original founders of Apple and the rest is history. But the point is that he did not follow that straight line to get there; he let his passion and drive point the way to his future and ultimately his success.

In 2005, Steve Jobs delivered the commencement speech at Stanford stating:

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do," he told the Stanford grads in 2005.

"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."

Part of me wonders if Steve and I were buddies in a former life because this is my mantra, as well. "Don't settle." Those are words that I try to live by. Life is too short and prescious to do otherwise. But I know so many people who do settle - people who are talented, smart and have a lot to offer. It shows up in so many ways: work, personal relationships, etc. Sometimes the best things are worth taking a risk. Those risks could include accepting less money for a job that is more satisfying, walking away from a disfunctional relationship, saying NO to taking on that next project in order to fulfill personal needs...the list goes on forever.

Steve knew this and he lived it. And sadly his life has been cut short. But he didn't settle. And neither should you. Be willing to take chances and change what isn't working. The returns are so much greater than the risks in the long run.

Cheers,
Renay

When Working Parents Get Carried Away

2011-08-19T10:07:00.006-04:00

I just came across an article on the Working Mother website entitled, "Sticky Situations: Toddlers in the Workplace." In this article, the writer responds to a reader question that indicates she wants to bring her toddler to work but is unsure if children are welcome. The writer responds that if the policy is that children are welcome, then it should be okay.

Here's my response: NO, it's not okay. Let's all remember why we work. Our companies have hired us to do a job that is supposed to contribute to the mission of the organization and ultimately, the bottom line. And we accepted the position because: a.) we probably require the salary and (hopefully) b.) we have chosen to have a career that challenges us. My guess is that for 99% of us, that agreement did not include the ability to bring our children to work.

Don't get me wrong...I certainly think that the workplace needs to be flexible. Without the flexible schedule that I enjoy in my workplace, I could not properly attend to my children's needs and I would never be an "unavailable" parent. And there are times that our kids are sick and we don't have childcare options; there are times when our kids are on vacation and we aren't. So I do think that having the ability to bring our children to the workplace when we don't have another choice is a nice thing.

That all being said, I believe that as we continue to lobby for flexible workplaces, job sharing options, and part time positions, we have to keep in mind that there are certain priorities. Let's focus on that flexibility while understanding that we work for companies who have responsibilities to shareholders and are focused on achieving certain revenue goals. Let's keep our "eyes on the prize" rather than pushing the limits of acceptable policies like asking to bring our kids to work. Most of us still have so far to go on the bigger issues so let's focus on those and call attention to the issues that really matter rather than getting bogged down in the "nice to haves."

Cheers,
Renay

Starbucks: So much more than just coffee

2011-07-26T20:12:00.010-04:00

Anyone who knows me at all is aware of my Starbucks habit. Since what feels like the beginning of time - or maybe just after my kids were born - I have visited Starbucks almost on a daily basis. There were a few years when I wasn't working full time and tried to cut back on my expensive habit; during those leaner years, I may have visited a few times per week rather than daily.

Friends make fun of my little habit, relatives think I spend too much money on coffee and my husband - who I may add also has a Starbucks addiction - laughs at me. Even my children have learned that Mom often stops at my coveted cafe on the way to soccer, family outings, shopping, etc.

To this end, my daughter purchased the book Onward for me for my recent birthday. For those who are unfamiliar with the book, it was written by Starbucks ceo (yes, he uses lowercase for his title) Howard Schulz and details "How Starbucks Fought for Its Life without Losing Its Soul." I just started reading it and only 25 pages in, I realized that for me, Starbucks is about way more than just coffee.

In the book, Schulz discusses that for him, Starbucks was never just about selling coffee. It was always about the experience. When you go into any of their locations and look around, you may see: professionals on their way to work, students working on research papers, Moms with their babies in tow, friends meeting up after going to the gym, the list goes on forever.

After I gave birth to Zachary and spent a year at home, it was a major adjustment, as it is for most new Moms, especially for those of us who were out in the workforce and were now at home full time. As wonderful as it was, there were times when I felt isolated and just needed to get out of the house. Going to Starbucks was a break in my day; a time when I could do something - even something small - for myself. And I always felt comfortable bringing Zach in his stroller.

Fast forward a few years and I'm back in the workforce, juggling kids and career. There is little - if any - time to slow down. I'm always racing between schools, work, back to school and managing things at home. So a daily stop at Starbucks is my small break in the day, a time to enjoy my own little tradition. And on occasion, I will grab a coworker for an afternoon coffee break or meet a friend for an after lunch latte.

Starbucks does not just represent great coffee for me; it's about a tradition, an experience that for a few minutes takes me away from all of my responsibilities and harried lifestyle. For some of us, that "tradition" or experience might be a daily run or reading the paper. Or, for commuters, it could be that half hour when you can read a book on the train. The point is that making that time for ourselves and respecting that tradition is critical for our well-being.

Thank you, Howard Schulz, for going beyond the standard coffee shop, for creating a place where people can have an experience, where they can feel comfortable and socialize while enjoying an amazing coffee treat. And go ahead, friends and relatives. Make fun of my grande non-fat latte habit...I won't be pulling out my Starbucks Gold Card for you!

Cheers,
Renay

Food for thought

2011-07-12T15:38:00.005-04:00

I often hear my Mom friends complain about their kids' eating habits. One has a son who will only eat chicken nuggets - day in, day out, for lunch and dinner - chicken nuggets. Another Mom I know complains because her daughter only eats a few bites of food at every meal. Consequently, the doctor monitors the little girl's weight and they have goals like a positive weight gain of a half pound per month. Time after time, I hear similar stories.

Enter my family into the mix. We love to eat; breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks...you name it, we eat it. And none of this "few bites" business or only one type of food. My husband and I are not overweight but we're not skinny, either. Then there's Zach. The word beanpole comes to mind when I look at him yet he already cleans out my refrigerator. He's an incredibly active kid so this probably makes sense; he is always running, playing soccer, swimming, etc. Even my cat loves to eat. She is on diet cat food and can only have a quarter cup of food 2 times per day. Poor thing doesn't run too quickly these days...

And then there's my 6-year old daughter who is the real subject of this post. I think that she came out of the womb with hips. Brie is not overweight but not skinny, either. She's very tall for her age and is fairly active: soccer, swimming, gymnastics. She also loves to eat which I consider to be a good thing. And she doesn't eat junk food; in fact, none of us does. There are no chips in my house as a rule, no cake, cookies, pop tarts, soda. We eat protein and vegetables every night and I pack the kids' lunches every day to avoid the unhealthy meals served at school. And we all eat fruit daily.

Yet, with all of this, our doctor has now lectured me at our past 2 appointments about Brie being overweight. I have explained that while she is not a beanpole like Zach (who, BTW, is supposedly at the 100% for weight and is supposedly on the brink of being overweight!!!???) she eats healthy food and exercises daily. Yes, there are times when she may eat too much of something but it's usually fruit. And there are the cupcakes and ice cream at birthday parties that I feel are fine as treats. But overall, my kids are healthy and happy. So should I really obsess about the extra pounds? Should I instill in her the need to conform to a BMI chart and make her aware of the fact that she's not a skinny twig at the age of six? My answer is consistently NO.

I have been concerned about my weight since I was a young girl, as many of us are. And I would say that I still am. But I now try to focus more of my attention on leading a healthy lifestyle rather than what the scale says. Our kids - and more specifically our daughters - have many years ahead of them where they will also obsess over their looks and their weight, ideas imposed by society and their peer groups. Do we really need to start working on this when they're young kids?

Interestingly enough, when our most recent appointment was over, our doctor then proceeded to tell me that even though she and her family are vegetarians who eat tofu and vegetables all the time, none of them (including her) is thin. It's just the way that their family is. Hmmm. Food for thought, I think...no pun intended.

Gotta go...I hear my cat meowing for her quarter cup of diet cat food...

Cheers,
Renay

Generations of Women

2011-06-17T23:37:00.003-04:00

I grew up in the 1980's - at least that's when I was a teenager. And during that timeframe, I guess you could say that I was a typical teen. I wasn't overly wild and crazy but I had my moments and definitely liked to go to parties with my friends, get away with the occasional fib to my parents that generally consisted of staying out way too late and being in a few places that I probably shouldn't have been.

As a teen of the 80's, I dressed in pretty typical 80's fashion and definitely liked to shop. I went through my Madonna look-alike phase with the blond hair (I have good 80's hair even to this day) and rubber bracelets. And I had been known to don a miniskirt or two. In my 20's, I traded the Madonna clothing for more snug fitting items that showed off my then cute figure. And I spent my share of time in bars and clubs with friends.

Fast forward to 2011. Yes, I'm in my 40's and have 2 kids, a husband, a house, a career and rarely get out for a wild girl's night out. But recently, a few friends who I lived with after college and I went to Foxwoods Casino for the weekend to catch up, have some great food, and go out to a few bars. While we were there, we visited a club called Shrine. I had never heard of it but apparently it's a fairly well known locale for 20 somethings in the New England area. So, we made a reservation for dinner and then planned to stay there for dancing, drinks, etc.

After dinner was over, we went downstairs to the bar/club area. Of course we got there at about 9:30 so there was hardly anyone there yet. We sauntered up to the bar and were greeted by 3 female bartenders - of course they were young and beautiful. No surprises there. But what struck me was the dress code that consisted of a black bustier tied extremely tight so that they were overflowing along with some combination of fishnet stockings, garter belts, shorts (if you could call them that) or skin tight pants that were slung very low.

From there, the "club girls" began to enter. And every single one of them was wearing a very short dress with little underneath and 6" heels. In contrast, my friends and I were dressed in nice jeans, sandals and fitted T's or light sweaters. You can only imagine how we stood out in that crowd.

Another thing I noticed: for all of these unbelievably sexy outfits, every guy who was there looked like a "schlep" almost without exception. Jeans, flannel shirts, a few in button-downs but they were the exceptions. It left me wondering if these were just the temporary guys and that there would be some influx of Armani-clad men with great shoes and haircuts that would greet these glamorous girls. But they never arrived.

So what does all of this mean? I am not a prude by any means. I consider myself to be a very open-minded individual. But I can't help but wonder what these women are thinking when they dress like that. I am a firm believer in self confidence and looking/feeling your best. But does that mean that you have to look like a prostitute? Is it not better to leave a little to the imagination rather than letting everything hang out? And why don't the men feel compelled to dress up and look better for these women that I assume they are trying to meet?

I'm sure that my parents asked similar questions in the 80's. In their generation, men courted and were courteous of women. But things have certainly changed; women now compete with men on all levels and this shift has had an impact on how we interact with each other. But if that's the case, then shouldn't we have even more power to not give in to the sexual stereotypes? Doesn't that mean that we can use our individuality to be different? Or are we so desperate for male attention that we will use any means within our power to get it?

I don't know the answer but I think it's something we need to think about as women, especially as we try to be role models for our daughters. I personally hope that my daughter grows up to be the confident young woman I know that she can be - someone who is smart, funny, and beautiful both inside and out. And I hope that she understands that she has choices. At the end of the day, that's what it's really about to me. We have choices that earlier generations never even dreamed about. As women, it's our responsibility to take advantage of these to propel ourselves forward.

Cheers,
Renay

Getting Out of the Office

2011-06-07T00:19:00.003-04:00

If you're like me, you're always trying to squeeze in the last few minutes before you have to race out of the office to pick up your kids. I just read this article out on the Working Mother Magazine website called, Exit Strategies: Getting Home. In the article, the author provides some tips on ensuring you leave the office on time. These include:

Protecting EOD time
Packing up your stuff in advance
Setting limits

I have a hard time with any and all of these. I'm always trying to get in that last email, that final finishing touch on my presentation. And heaven help me if I get stopped by a coworker as I'm racing out with my bag and coat in hand...then all bets are off and I'm racing out of the parking lot like a mad woman. I just don't know how to say "no" sometimes and then I curse at myself as I sit in traffic at 5:25 knowing that I will likely be late in picking my kids up. And that causes me immense guilt since I want to spend as much time with them as I can. And couldn't that last email have waited? Couldn't I have just told that coworker that we would have to discuss the topic tomorrow since I have to pick up my kids?

I'm reading a book called, Good Enough is the New Perfect in which the authors describe working Moms as either being in the Never Enough camp or the Good Enough camp. The idea is that for some of us, we can never find satisfaction because we are always trying to get it all done perfectly. And for others of us (I should say "you" since I unfortunately fall into the former camp), we have decided that we can't realistically do it all perfectly and have to accept that some things are "good enough" in order for us to enjoy our families and to have our sanity and happiness. I think that my obsession with getting in that last 5 minutes at work and finishing up those final conversations comes from the thought that I should be able to manage all of this and still get my kids on time.

But I can't. So I need to take advantage of those Working Mothers' tips listed above. I need to shut down my computer at 4:40 to ensure I can get out the door on time. I need to say that I can't stay for another 5 minutes to discuss that topic. These things would be a step in the right direction. So tomorrow, I'm going to try to be Good Enough and get out the door when I need to. I'm vowing to get in my car on time and pick up my kids well in advance of school closing. That last email will have to wait.

Cheers,
Renay

Leaning In: A Message from the COO of Facebook

2011-05-20T23:03:00.002-04:00

If you have not yet had the opportunity to do so, I recommend reading the transcript from Sheryl Sandberg's commencement speech at Barnard College this week. During her address, Sheryl voiced her hope for the upcoming generation of female graduates to further the cause of women. She states that as far as women have come since our mothers' generation, we still see the inequality that women deal with, especially in the workplace. Although women make up at least 50% of college graduates, we are still in the minority when it comes to holding leadership positions within corporate America. No big surprises there; this is something that we have all realized by now. Sheryl encourages women to "lean in" - to think big about our careers and our contributions, to have confidence in our abilities.

But what I really identified with is this statement:

"Of course not everyone wants to jump into the workforce and rise to the top. Life is going to bring many twists and turns, and each of us, each of you, have to forge your own path. I have deep respect for my friends who make different choices than I do, who choose the really hard job of raising children full time, who choose to go part time, or who choose to pursue more nontraditional goals. These are choices that you may make some day, and these are fine choices.

But until that day, do everything you can to make sure that when that day comes, you even have a choice to make. Because what I have seen most clearly in my 20 years in the workforce is this: Women almost never make one decision to leave the workforce. It doesn’t happen that way. They make small little decisions along the way that eventually lead them there. Maybe it’s the last year of med school when they say, I’ll take a slightly less interesting specialty because I’m going to want more balance one day. Maybe it’s the fifth year in a law firm when they say, I’m not even sure I should go for partner, because I know I’m going to want kids eventually."

This is very insightful and so true. As women in the workforce who are mothers or mothers-to-be, it tends to be a slow process - this "leaning out." I am always struck by the fact that men who are fathers don't generally make these kinds of choices; they are mainly "leaning in," doing whatever they can to further their careers. And I say this with all respect, especially being married to a devoted, engaged father who spends as many non-working moments with his family as possible. But there truly is a difference. As women, it seems like we are conditioned to think about the future of our families - how our demanding careers may take their toll on our children, on our work-life balance. And some of us make adjustments based upon this conditioning - the less demanding job, part-time hours, working closer to home. Men don't seem to think this way which really proves that as far as we have come, the concept of women owning the job of "family" is still pervasive in our society.

Will it ever change? I think back to my childhood and then think about most of the families I know these days. Things have definitely progressed; I know Dads who have playdates with other Dads, many men who understand that they have to share the burden of days off from work to care for sick children and many Dads who attend their kids' school performances along with their wives. This is a big improvement from the families of the 1970's. So maybe there is hope; wouldn't it be great if we could all "lean in"? That would also mean that corporate America needs to catch on that we're not living in the 1970's anymore...but that's a whole other post.

Cheers,
Renay

Hello Mommy Dearest

2011-04-26T19:49:00.003-04:00

8:00AM: toughest point in my day. Trying to get the kids organized and off to school as my cell phone rings requires masterful multitasking. I answer the cell phone and it's call that I need to take. My dear children are standing in the kitchen, backpacks settled and ready to go. And then it happens...Zach decides he's thirsty and pulls out the milk. He spills it down his shirt as I try to wrap up my conversation. And then Brielle MUST have milk, too.

I get off the phone, letting the kids know that it's not time to be drinking milk but time to go. Okay - not so bad. Then, I get all of our stuff - usually about 6 bags total that I'm toting, pushing, carrying - into the car along with the kids. Whew...ready to roll. BUT, Zach has milk all over his mouth (yes, it bugs me) and as he starts to laugh, the gross milk and saliva mixture dribbles down his shirt. That's it...I'm done. Stick a fork in me and let me go. I slam the door, run into the house to get a paper towel, run back out to the car and let him have it. I'm screaming at him about taking care of himself and his appearance and wiping his face and shirt down. Needless to say, this was not one of my finer moments of motherhood.

Zach is quiet on the way to school - and Zach is never quiet. Only when he's upset. And then the guilt begins to settle in and I feel horrible. So I apologized profusely, give him hugs, walk him into school. I get back into the car and want to curl up on my bed as thoughts of Mommy Dearest run through my head. "No more wire hangers! And no more milk all over your face!"

Ridiculous, I know. This comes from the controlling part of my personality which unfortunately rares its ugly head at times when I'm stressed...and other times, according to my husband. On my way to work, I tried to call my husband and finally got him on the phone. The interesting thing is that I told him the story and wanted him to absolve me of my bad behavior. He wouldn't which is probably a good thing because I don't deserve to be absolved. But I do deserve forgiveness, I think. I'm human, as all of us Moms are.

When I came home tonight, Zach was there waiting for me and told me all about his day. So I can live through yet another "less than perfect" Mom moment and hope that tomorrow is better. I can only hope.

Cheers,
Renay

Motherhood: Wonderful and Tough

2010-05-06T21:38:00.002-04:00

I hate it when I have to say that "it's been a while since my last post" but there it is. A lot has happened since my last post including a job change. So I have been busy. But I just read a post on another Working Mom blog that cannot go unnoticed.

Katherine Lewis wrote a post entitled, "Motherhood: Yes, It's Supposed to be This Hard." In her post, Katherine writes about how crazy our lives can be and when that happens, it's easy to feel that our kids demand too much of our time. If only we had more time to do work, chores, clean the house...

It's just at these times that Katherine suggests that we, as Moms, take a step back and reconnect with our families. I couldn't agree more. And she states, "If you think it's hard, then you're doing it right." Even though I think I know that, it's really great to hear.

Sometimes it seems overwhelming, doesn't it? I am on the go from the moment that my eyes open in the morning till the moment that they close (usually around 11pm). But what if it wasn't that way? I realize that I love my kids and I love my career. So I'm not sure I would have it any other way. I just have to deal with my life being incredibly hectic, try not to stress out and forgive myself for the things that fall through the cracks occasionally.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you amazing Moms out there and thank you to all of our wonderful, crazy, fun, frustrating, high-maintenance kids for giving us the opportunity to be amazing.

Cheers,
Renay

Piling it on

2010-01-28T21:31:00.002-05:00

I have determined that I am a glutton for punishment. In addition to my full time job, kids and family responsibilities, activities, networking events, taking care of my house and my cat, I have decided to add yet another "item" to my list: a cute, rambunctious, 13-week old puppy.

We picked her up last Sunday - a friend of a friend had adopted her from a shelter in TN (she was transported up north) and was unable to keep her. I saw her picture and I was toast. So here was my first day with Molly...

Wake up at 5:30, let Molly out, feed her, get kids ready for school, take Molly for a walk, get her into her crate, take kids to their 2 schools, go to work for 2 hours, go home to walk/check on Molly. Back to work for a few more hours, stop at home in the afternoon to walk Molly. Go back to work, pick up kids, go home and walk Molly. Make dinner, do homework with both kids, help with showers, make lunches for the next day. Finally, let Molly out for her last potty break.

Is that insane or what? I'm pretty used to multi-tasking but this is ridiculous. It has gotten easier as the week has gone on. I'm hoping we can make it work. As I look into those big brown eyes that are currently staring at me, I realize that I have fallen for her. What am I thinking?

Cheers,
Renay

Ode to Girlfriends

2010-01-10T22:10:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I've had a glass of wine or two...but I thought it quite appropriate to devote a post to my girlfriends.

As working Moms, we are challenged for time. Between work, kids' activities, homework, dinner and (hopefully) exercise, how do we fit in social time with our friends? Well, I look at my time with my girlfriends as absolutely necessary and part of my "mental health" routine.

When I'm with my friends, I can share my biggest challenges at work, I can discuss the fight I had with my husband last week and I can ask for their advice regarding my latest parenting challenge. Who else can you do this with? Who else accepts and understands the way your best girlfriends do?

Often times, we look at our friends and our social time as a luxury because we are so busy. But I believe that this is the wrong way to think of it. Spending time with my friends makes me a better Mom, a better wife and even a better employee. Thankfully, I have a husband who understands this and is quite supportive of my time with friends.

So the next time you think you are too busy or too tired for that drink after the kids go to bed, think again. Make the time and reconnect with friends. It's definitely worth it.

Cheers,
Renay

TV Choices

2010-01-02T01:07:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year! Yes, it's 2010 and I'm still up to my old tricks...staying up ridiculously late, looking stuff up online, catching up on Facebook, etc. But today Zach, my 7-year old, asked me something that has me thinking...

I have written before about the TV dilemma; which shows should I let him watch? And then if he's watching an "older kids show," what about my 4-year old who inevitably watches with him?

Today, Zach asked me if our PBS channel only had "baby shows." I told him that I do not think so but apparently, the kids at school do. Quite frequently, he wants to watch "X-Men" and other related shows. While I will occasionally let him watch those, I often do not allow it since some of them seem violent.

But am I babying him? We have begun letting him see movies that are a bit more grown up but since he watches some TV almost every day, I feel like I really need to oversee the shows he is watching. When I hear him make comments like this to me, I start feeling guilty, like maybe I'm too overprotective and need to let him make a few more choices.

So tough...it's amazing that our kids don't come with instructions. I wish I had some! I welcome any thoughts you have on this subject.

Cheers,
Renay

Bring on the Circus!

2009-12-30T08:51:00.002-05:00

I'm typing while my 7-year old is playing his new Nintendo DS, a gaming system that "Santa" reluctantly brought him this year...not sure that we needed yet another electronic gaming device. And my daughter is asking me what the plan is for the day.

I love being home with them and taking a break from my working life. It gives us the opportunity to just have fun. BUT, I have learned over time that my 7-year old is incapable of spending time on his own for more than 5 minutes. And I'm not exaggerating. He must be entertained at all times or else the whining and complaining begin. So I find myself trying to plan for every moment of the day. And that's even after Santa came and brought the 800 new toys that are currently all over my house. But to him, there's nothing to do.

I have begun instituting some quiet time so that he must play on his own for a small part of the day. Usually, though, it ends up with yelling in order for him to actually carry through. What's interesting, though, is that my 4-year old has a much easier time playing on her own and often wants to. It's amazing how 2 kids can be so different.

So, I must go now and create my "plan for the day." Hopefully I can find a circus, a show, or some other spectacular to keep everyone happy...

Cheers,
Renay

Am I Losing My Mind?

2009-11-29T09:02:00.002-05:00

This is my first post in months. I clicked on my bookmark for my own blog and just realized how much I miss blogging, especially about the challenges and wonders of being a working mother.

Sometimes I don't know what happened to the "organized me." During the past few years, I seem to have become forgetful and have too many different mediums to try to keep myself organized.

Case in point. Last week, I had a company meeting during which I had to make a presentation. Months before, I had signed up for a parent-teacher conference at my son's school. So, I had both in my head and I knew that both were obviously important. But somehow, my brain did not make the connection that they were both occurring on the same day and at the same time UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE. And then panic sets in...

As always, I worked it out but it was stressful trying to make sure that I could make my presentation prior to having to leave for the conference and it involved connecting with my boss and the CEO. Yes, stressful.

And I can tell you that I had both in my Blackberry, on my home calendar, in Outlook. I honestly think that either I have not found my preferred "device" or "medium" OR I just have too many options.

I'll have you know that I used to be incredibly organized. But now I think I am overwhelmed by the number of things I need to accomplish on any given day. Maybe a good old fashioned list is all I need.

Cheers,
Renay

Sibling Rivalry

2009-07-07T13:58:00.003-04:00

Over the course of our long holiday weekend, I could not get over the fact that my kids are constantly bickering. They seem to have this love/argue thing going on; one minute, they are playing and are best friends. The next, they are arguing over every little thing.

As you ask yourself "Who cares? All brothers and sisters do that," please keep in mind that I am an only child. I never had a brother or sister to argue with. So this whole sibling thing is new territory for me. And I can tell you that I don't like it. Furthermore, I don't really know how to deal with it too well. Most of the time, I just get annoyed and tell them to stop, threatening punishment. That might work for about 2 minutes but then they are right back to fighting again.

And then there's my husband who, at 37 years old, still fights with his sister. So I don't get a lot of support or advice from him on the subject.

What is amazing, though, is watching the kids and knowing that someday they will hopefully have a great sibling friendship which is something that I never had. I can see that these relationships help to shape their personalities and enrich their lives. I also think that it introduces a bit of competition which is something that I think is good since, as adults, we run into fierce competition in everything that we do - especially in the business world.

But, for now, I will try to remain calm as I listen to my 4-yeard old yelling at my 7-year old, "Don't look out my window! Mom, he's looking out my window!"

Cheers,
Renay

Why can't there be swim lessons on Saturdays?

2009-06-01T13:51:00.002-04:00

As a working parent, I sometimes feel discriminated against. There have been numerous times during the past few years that I have wanted to sign my children up for activities that are just not available on the weekends.

Being in the working world, I certainly understand that for businesses (especially small businesses) the frequency and timeframes in which services are delivered is dependent upon demand. In other words, if the business will get more customers during the week and not many on the weekends, then I understand that it may not be possible to offer services over the weekends.

That being said, we just recently signed up for a pool club after being on a waiting list for 2 years. As a family, we are all excited about this and are really looking forward to our upcoming summers there. But I have to admit that when I was told that they do not offer swim lessons over the weekends, I was a bit frustrated. I have now spoken with about 4 or 5 parents who all have the same issue. So why wouldn't they offer the lessons over the weekends? Or at 5pm so that I could at least leave a little bit early once per week to take the kids over.

Sometimes I want to shout to the world that the scheduling challenges for working families are tough and I wish that businesses, companies and individuals would spend a bit more time to make things accessible for all and not just the stay-at-home parents.

I have a few choices...pay for private lessons at the club, sign up somewhere else (probably will not get spots now since it's high season) or try to speak with someone at the club about the situation. We'll see how it goes...

Cheers,
Renay

Family Vacation in Europe?

2009-05-14T13:13:00.003-04:00

This is more of a question than a post. We are considering a family vacation to London in the fall. It is our 10-year anniversary and we want to take a "big" trip (at least, something a bit more adult than Disney). We initially talked about going away without the kids but with a lack of family to help out with babysitting for a few days, coupled with the knowledge that I will miss them terribly after a day or two, we are now thinking about a family vacation to Europe.

London seems to stand out as a place that would likely be "kid friendly." My son will be 7 and my daughter is 4; I know that he will really enjoy it - Buckingham Palace, Wax Museum, Tower of London, etc. But I'm wondering how my daughter will do.

Does anyone have thoughts and/or have you taken a trip like this? We had talked about Ireland but I think it's too much driving for the kids. Jeff mentioned Rome - I cannot see that working out too well. We both feel that London would probably work. I welcome your comments and experiences.

Cheers,
Renay

One for the Dads

2009-05-13T09:53:00.002-04:00

A colleague told me an awesome story about someone who he worked with at a previous company. I must share because it's a fun example of a high-powered man - a Dad with a baby at home who is also an executive at a large compay - having to set aside work priorities in order to take care of things at home. We will call him Joe.

A group of execs from this organization flew to New York for a big meeting. When they arrived for the meeting, Joe was nowhere to be found. They tried to call him but no answer. They delayed the meeting for an hour and Joe finally showed up an hour and a half late. When asked if everything was okay, Joe responded that his baby had thrown up on her bouncy seat so he had to wash the cover before he could leave.

Not only do I love the story but I love the honesty about why he was late. As a working Mom, it makes me shudder to think about giving an answer like that, although incidents like that happen all the time, don't they?

So I applaud Joe. Here's to all the Dads out there who understand that raising a family involves everyone in that family, whether you are a CEO, a consultant or a stay-at-home parent.

Cheers,
Renay

Successful CEO Moms

2009-04-21T13:14:00.002-04:00

Last week, I attended the Boston Business Journal Pacesetters Breakfast to honor the fastest-growing private companies in the Boston area of which my company, Veroxity Technology Partners, was one. (Yeah for us!)

As I drank my fresh-squeezed orange juice - a big no-no on my low-carb diet - I listened to the panel of CEOs who discussed their key strategies for success. One of these CEOs was Kip Hollister of Hollister, Inc. Kip spoke of focus, strategy and staffing needs, relaying her thoughts on how to be successful in these key areas. But what struck me was that she also talked about the realities of being a working Mom and an executive in a hard-driving economic environment. She was honest about the fact that time for herself is often scarce and that you cannot be perfect in all of your roles at every moment. But if you have your priorities set up front and understand that turbulent times often call for flexibility, you can be more realistic about what you can and cannot do.

I applaud Kip for not only being a strong influence in the corporate world and an involved parent, but also her willingness to be up front about these responsibilities and to share her experiences with the world.

Cheers,
Renay

Battling the Mommy Guilt

2009-03-05T23:02:00.001-05:00

I feel like I'm going to fall asleep as I type but I could not let this day go by without a post so here goes...hope that it makes sense.

I started my new job this week and really love it. The company has this great culture with talented, smart people who seem to enjoy what they do. At the same time, everyone seems very grounded and down-to-earth. So I am thrilled about it.

But Week #1 and I already have the Mommy Guilt complex. It doesn't matter that I was home for 4 months when I could have spent hours or even days at Zach's school for events, plays, etc. It doesn't matter that I now race home to help him with his homework, make dinner, spend time playing and reading books. You may be saying: "Why doesn't it matter?"

The answer? Because Zach's class put on a play yesterday that took place right in the middle of the day. And it was my second day of work. Did I mention that I was home for 4 months? Did I mention that during those 4 months, there were no plays, no school-day events, no calls to help out in the classroom? So why wouldn't there be this cute, adorable, first-grade play during my first few days of a new job?

To make matters even worse for me, I had a conversation with Zach the night before the play to let him know that neither me or Daddy would be able to attend. I thought he would start yelling at me, that he would bring the usual drama. But that was not the case. I told him and apologized, letting him know that I was very sad that I had to miss it with tears running down my face at the time. And he said to me: "That's okay, Mom." WHAT? That made it even worse!

One of the "good" Moms in the class was kind enough to provide a DVD that she had taken of the play and we all watched it tonight. Of course it was amazing. At the end of it, the teacher stood up in front of the class and the parents and said, "I have a request. There is a parent who could not make it who would love to see a video and/or pictures if any of you can pass these along." Translation in my head: "There is one horrible Mother who did not come to see her adorable son's cute play and now she wants to get the video from one of you good parents out there."

Okay, so I'm being dramatic. But I still feel so guilty. I want to be there for EVERYTHING and this is the first school event that I have missed. Zach, of course, seems fine with it. But I'm sure that I will continue to feel guilty for quite some time.

Cheers,
Renay

I want you to buy me something expensive!

2009-02-27T19:06:00.003-05:00

These words were shouted by my 3-year old daughter today while I was browsing in a store. After many chuckles from the women shopping in the same aisle and my fruitless attempts to tell her that I was not buying her anything in the store, I caved. She wanted a $10 item which I told her was too much and then we settled on a $6 item. So I told myself that it wasn't a big deal since it wasn't as expensive and she did not get EXACTLY what she wanted.

Yes, I know...a lot of BS. The reality is that I found a few items I was interested in and just wanted a few minutes to shop in peace. So I did the horrible thing and gave in. As we left the store, I spent 5 minutes telling her how that would not happen again and that I was not about to buy her something every time we went into a store and blah, blah, blah. "Yes, Mom," she said in her cute little voice. Yeah, right.

It's amazing how much more diligent I was with my 6-year old. He never got away with things like this. But, as they say, the second child (and third, fourth, for those who have them) always gets away with more. Especially when they are adorable and cuddly with big brown eyes.

But I recognize that we need to do a better job with our kids when it comes to financial responsibility. They both get an allowance and Zach used to save and save his money. Until he decided that he wanted to buy a few different Lego sets. Jeff and I have both decided that we need to teach him to set aside a portion of his allowance for savings and the rest he can use to buy items of his choice when he is deserving of this privilege.

How do you teach your kids about financial responsibility? I would love to hear thoughts from others on this topic so feel free to share.

Cheers,
Renay

Moms on Alltop

2009-02-26T10:05:00.002-05:00

Just a quick shout to let everyone know that Working Moms Make It Work is now out on Alltop.com under Top Moms News. There are lots of other great bloggers out there, as well, so take a look.

Cheers,
Renay

Kids, Media and Values

2009-02-26T07:44:00.002-05:00

A few days ago, I blogged about the TV dilemma: how much is okay? Which shows are okay? Well, as my kids watch Arthur on PBS, I noticed that they are running educational spots for KidsMediaMatters.org. They are offering up a kit called "Kids, Media and Values" to answer many of these questions. So, in case you are interested, give it a look.

As I review, I realize that I have not even touched on the whole internet issue. Because my kids are still pretty young, that's an issue that I have not had to tackle yet and I hope it might be a few more years. For now, Zach is still focused on his Lego Star Wars game and wants to play it every chance he can. I limit it to one hour per week and only over the weekend. For now, it works but I'm sure all of this will get more complicated over time.

Happy reading!

Cheers,
Renay

My New Gig

2009-02-22T16:13:00.002-05:00

It's now official; I have accepted a new job and I'm very excited about it. I had previously written about my layoff and it was tough to get past it. But once I was past it, I realized that what I had helped build had disappeared well before I was laid off. Now, I am able to look back on the earlier days of that experience as being incredibly rich; I learned so much while I was there, helped to build a company and was able to enjoy its success.

I was also able to stay home for a while and enjoy my children. I got to spend a lot more time with them, help Zach with his homework and be more involved in their day-to-day lives. This was so wonderful. But I also know that I'm just not a stay-at-home Mom type. I am a much better parent when I am out working and being challenged. It energizes me and I believe that that happiness and energy translates to my parenting role and to my kids.

I am very excited about my new opportunity. It is a broad marketing role which I love and I will be working for a small company that is pretty close to home. Best of all, the culture seems great and I have really liked everyone I have met so far. I am a bit nervous about being on a specific schedule since I was pretty much able to set my own schedule in the past without issue. But that's hopefully just an adjustment that will easily work out.

To all Moms who go through the ups and downs of being a working mother...we role with the punches, figure out how to make it work and most importantly, ensure that our situations work for our families. It's tough and we don't have much help out there - hats off to all of us.

Cheers,
Renay

TV Choices: PBS and Beer

2009-02-22T09:26:00.003-05:00

Ahhh, TV. To watch or not to watch? How long is okay? PBS or Nick Jr.? These are all questions I have asked myself for years. These days, my kids watch TV in the morning before school and then Zach watches one show after school after he finishes his homework. I am pretty strict about what both of my kids watch and it's mainly PBS. I also have to balance between what Zach can watch (he's 6) and what Brie can watch (she's 3).

Some of this has become a joke between my husband and I. Jeff often thinks that I am overprotective and that Zach is too old for some of the shows that he watches. I feel that if he likes these educational shows then why not let him watch them until he gets to a point where he is bored with them. I'm sure that at that point, I will need to figure out which shows are appropriate and will likely have a hard time with most of them.

This is all so different from when we were kids, though. I can remember watching many shows that were probably not entirely appropriate (there were also fewer choices back then). But I turned out okay. And my parents always took me to see movies that weren't necessarily the typical kid movies (I can remember seeing Amadeus at an artsy theatre in NY) and I actually liked it. But then today's movies and TV have so much violence, sex, etc. that it's also a much harder task to make choices that are older, interesting and still appropriate. So I think that we have to be more selective that our parents were.

Case in point: Jeff and I slept late the other morning while the kids went downstairs to watch TV. In my partially-awake state, I called down to Zach to make sure he was watching 802, our PBS station, to which he responded yes. Jeff then joked, "Yeah, Mom. I'm watching 802. I'm taking the car out to pick up some beer. See you later."

See what I have to deal with? I would love to hear thoughts from others on my TV dilemma.

Cheers,
Renay

Detours and OnRamps Forum

2009-02-11T23:36:00.002-05:00

I just found out about a phenomenal event that will take place on March 25 in Waltham, MA: Detours and OnRamps Forum. This is a conference for parents, both working and stay-at-home, who are seeking expertise on navigating the world of work. For working parents, it's about finding better ways to balance work and home life. For stay-at-home parents, it's about looking at the options for re-entering the workforce, possibilities for consulting and/or starting your own business.

One thing that amazes me about this entire topic is that your work life is forever evolving dependent upon your stage of life. Yet most people don't even realize it. I personally have gone from workaholic career woman, to stay-at-home Mome, to consulting, to part-time, back to full-time in an Executive role to being unemployed. That's a lot of shifting. Yet, with each change has come new options and pathways. It's challenging and is something that none of us really anticipated. I mean, if someone had told me when I was 25 that I would be doing consulting work or working part-time, I would have said they were crazy. But here I am and here we all are trying to figure it out.

So kudos to Meghan McCartan for developing this fantastic way for parents to try to figure this all out and to network with others. Check it out and attend if you can!

Cheers,
Renay

When Does the Empathy Kick In?

2009-02-03T09:40:00.004-05:00

Let me get this straight. You care for and nurture your kids from the time they are in the womb, through infancy and toddlerhood. You give them everything, prepare them for the world and make sure they are happy and healthy. And then, you get a sinus infection that makes you feel like your head will explode and they cannot give you one moment to rest.

My son is six (7 in a few months). He is just a great, funny kid. But the one thing that I cannot get over is that he has no empathy...at least not with his own family. Last week my husband was sick but, of course, still going to work and doing all the things that need to be done. He comes home from work and Zach insists that he has to help him build his Lego ship. And Jeff just wants to lay down on the couch for a half hour but Zach just starts screaming at the suggestion that Jeff might want a few minutes to himself.

I have had many conversations about this with Zach but I'm not sure if it's something that can be taught. In the back of my mind I think that I should probably give him ways to help his Dad or me when we don't feel well or just need a break...maybe that would help. But I don't always want to think this hard. I just wish he could understand that his parents have needs, too.

I would love to hear from others who may have suggestions or thoughts on empathy. Right now, I'm going to lay down so that my head doesn't explode.

Cheers,
Renay

Keeping Kids Busy in Winter

2009-01-28T10:56:00.002-05:00

My husband and I had a conversation this past weekend about trying to keep kids active in the snowy New England winters. It's not easy, especially when the temps go down to 15 degrees, making outdoor play, skiing, etc. almost impossible. And if you choose not to spend $200+ to sign up for some kind of regular class, it's even harder. We have been through all of the indoor playgrounds, as well.

So, I was thinking how great it would be if there were some kind of "drop-in" arts n' crafts type of place with different stations for art projects. In an ideal world, parents could work on the craft with their child and there would also be a lounge with yummy treats, Starbuck's coffee and a huge window so that you could watch your children as they create their masterpieces. What a great business idea, huh? Over time, we could add a music lounge where children could practice on different instruments with the help of a music instructor.

Just an idea but something fun to think about. In the meantime, I will don my snow pants, sled and pray for 30 degrees.

Cheers,
Renay

The Promise of 2009

2009-01-12T14:20:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! Here we are in 2009 and I spent the latter part of 2008 thinking that once January hit, the job market might open up a bit. But I see no evidence of this and all news indicate that we are in for an even tougher first quarter of 2009 with many more layoffs to come.

So, I continue to look for that next great position. I am glad that I have at least managed to land some interviews but each time I was either too qualified or someone beat me to the punch. I am trying to see if maybe some consulting work might be the short-term answer.

It is somewhat strange to go from being the quintessential working mother (conference calls on my Blackberry while on my way to pick up the kids and trying to figure out what I could throw together for dinner) to being a Stay-at-Home Mom. It is wonderful and difficult all at the same time. I love spending more time with my kids and I feel really good about that. But I also miss that energy of a fast-paced office where I was constantly being challenged. The patient side of me says that there is plenty of time for that office buzz in the days to come. I know that this time at home with my young kids is something that I can never get back so I plan to enjoy it as much as possible.

Cheers,
Renay

Change

2008-12-09T14:41:00.004-05:00

It's not a unique title but I have been thinking for weeks about how to write this one. I was laid off from my job over a month ago. I have been wanting to blog about it ever since I found out but as I went through a variety of stages and emotions, I decided to hold off.

My career has always been important to me and, in my most recent position, there was a time when it was possibly the perfect job. That lasted for several years. I was able to build something that was interesting, successful, profitable and career-changing. I grew as a professional and as an individual. I worked with incredible people; we were all dedicated to our jobs and the company and worked for someone who was a true leader in every sense of the word. It was inspiring.

But then things changed. I could elaborate on the details but it would not be worth it. Suffice it to say that I helped to build something great and feel incredibly fortunate to have been a part of it. It took a while for me to get here but with each day that passes, I remember the good parts, the great years. And that's what is important.

And with change comes a renewed look at what we want in our lives, at what is important. I am excited about that next opportunity that enables me to use my experiences, both the good and the bad.

Cheers,
Renay

My Six Year Old Got to Vote!

2008-11-04T12:19:00.003-05:00

I took my son with me to vote this morning. He has been very interested in the election this year. That being said, I was very excited to learn that his principle stated that it was "unfair" that kids don't get to vote and so she decided to hold an election at their school. How cool!

The school overall voted for Obama.

And, in the spirit of including everyone, my daughter also got to vote at her preschool today. The kids could vote for either blue or red milk. She voted for red and apparently red is the winner.

These are both great ways to encourage our kids to be interested and involved in what is going on in our country.

Happy Election Day!

Cheers,
Renay

Moms Rising

2008-11-03T20:35:00.003-05:00

While many of you have probably heard about this group, I just learned about it this week: www.momsrising.com. As I do some exploring, I can see that they are not only committed to helping Moms figure out what resources they need, they are also involved in spreading the idea that as a nation, we need to shift our corporate structure for working families.

Gone are the days when most Moms are at home while their husbands bring home the bacon. Working mothers make up a huge portion of the American workforce and companies need to start recognizing that it's no longer okay to ignore the needs of working families.

I just read the description of their book, "The Motherhood Manifesto," and it sounds like a must-read, not only for working mothers but for all. Job flexibility, locating quality daycare, and affordable healthcare are things that we are all concerned with. So check it out and let me know what you think.

Cheers!
Renay

Always On

2008-09-26T07:54:00.002-04:00

As I sit here on the train with my laptop + broadband card, Blackberry at the ready, sitting next to my husband, it strikes me that we are always connected. I thought that it was great when my boss gave me a shiny new broadband card (at my prompting, by the way) so that I could now do work during my commute. But I recognize that I just sacrificed something...that short space of time that I have to myself before getting to the office and at the end of the day.

Yet I feel addicted. Why? What goes through my head is, "If I can just get through these emails now, then I will have a much clearer day to attack my projects." In that sense, it is helpful but the reality is that I have no downtime during my day.

This, of course, is after I ran out of the house this morning after writing checks for my son's magazine subscription for school, making lunch, and doing all of my Mommy stuff.

I know that I need to better manage my stress. Maybe I should just return the broadband card to my IT Manager...better yet, just lock it away for the weekend.

Cheers!
Renay

When Will Our Public Schools Go Green?

2008-09-24T09:57:00.002-04:00

I cannot tell you how much paper I get from my son's public elementary school. Every day, I open up his overfilled backpack and a plethora of paperwork falls out. There are club invitations, weekly curriculum updates, school association events, the list goes on.

Don't get me wrong...I LOVE the information and I truly want to stay informed. But why can't they use email and websites to do this? I know that there are some schools where the teachers do have their own web pages for homework and information postings but not ours.

So the bottom line is that our kids go to computer lab, our teachers probably create their materials on computers but yet we can't seem to use them for announcements...this doesn't make any sense to me. Are there any companies that have developed school website portals that are inexpensive who could sell to the public school system? Maybe this service does exist - if you are a company that does provide this or know of one, please let me know.

Cheers!
Renay

Quote of the week

2008-08-11T09:09:00.003-04:00

This one comes from my 3-year old daughter: "When girls get dressed up, boys marry them."

I'm still trying to figure out where this comes from. I suppose she decided that this is how the whole marriage thing works when she looks at our wedding picture. Either way, I thought it was hysterical. It also gets me thinking about the socialization process. As our kids navigate their social surroundings, it's interesting to see their likes/dislikes, preferences, friendships, etc.

There are also other amazing things about this, like how 2 kids in the same family can be so different. And also how our children manifest some of the same behaviors and personalities that we have, for better or worse. There are still more actions/behaviors that leave me thinking, "Wow! I wish I was like that as a kid."

As much as I hope that my kids learn from me, I think I learn more from them. I learn about them and about myself...for better or worse.

Cheers!

Renay

Vacationing with Young Kids

2008-07-10T10:49:00.002-04:00

Ah, the promise of a seaside vacation in New England where we get 2 good months of warm weather per year. Could there be anything better? As I sit in my office, I think about how wonderful it will be...my 6-year old son and my 3-year old daughter frolicking in the waves, the warm sun hitting my face as I casually read through my magazine and occasionally laugh at a joke made by my insanely-funny husband. We sip lemonade, eat grapes and take beautiful family pictures.

Sound like a familiar dream? Welcome to the reality of the family vacation...it takes us 2 hours to get out of the condo and onto the beach, my daughter screams the whole way to the water because the sand it too hot, my son demands snacks as soon as we sit down and my husband and I spend the entire 3 hours catering to their every need before heading back to the condo to collapse from exhaustion. My friend Britt just found this out during her recent family vacation.

But you know what? It's fun and it's just our time to be a family. So I am truly excited. My house is a disaster because my husband has to take every possible item that we own even though we will only be gone for a week, I will be chasing after my daughter tonight after promising to polish her nails with the purple nail polish she insisted that I had to buy her and apply before vacation, and spending the next 24-hours preparing for what appears to be the equivalent of preparing for life in a bomb shelter with no hope of return.

Still, I can't wait...

Cheers!
Renay

Living a Child-Centric Life

2008-07-07T14:18:00.002-04:00

Happy Belated Fourth of July to everyone! Hope it was wonderful and filled with lots of BBQs and relaxation. We had a wonderful holiday weekend - our good friends invited us up to their condo in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. We had a blast - Storyland for the kids, dinner out, swimming in the river, etc.

It was all great until we were driving home. The kids were crabby and arguing, as always and we hit a good amount of traffic. I was not feeling entirely great. And then it struck me - the fact that we would be passing the LL Bean outlet that I am never able to get to. So, I mentioned this factoid to my husband who then proceeded to joke around with me about it with that "there's no chance in hell that we're stopping there" look in his eyes. I became overly annoyed about the whole thing and did not speak to him the entire way home...and beyond. He later explained that it was not really feasible because the kids were tired and would give us a hard time, whether they had to wait in the car or in the store.

Okay, I get it. And I know that he was right - they would have made our lives miserable the entire time. But it got me thinking about how crazy it seems that my children completely run my life. I love them more than anything in the world but I can certainly remember lots of trips to stores that I hated as a kid. And certainly my parents never asked me or even told me I was going. We were just going and then was the end of it. But I find with our own kids, we are so focused around their every need that it often becomes all-consuming. I think there needs to be more of a balance - maybe our lives would be a bit easier, a bit more livable if we could take them on a few errands, to the grocery store and, yes, even to the LL Bean Outlet once in a while.

What do you think? I know - you think that I just have a shopping addiction that needs to be indulged. You're probably right...but tell me your thoughts anyway.

Cheers!
Renay

Organizing Your Inbox

2008-06-19T09:05:00.003-04:00

As you may already know, I am constantly struggling with my organization systems. I find myself wavering between a complete state of disorganization and the occasional burst of activity that will move me to a more organized situation. My disorganization usually takes over in the end due to the 800 things I am trying to keep track of at any given time.

Email is definitely a struggle. I'm an incredibly detail-oriented person - which is good and bad - and I'm a pack rat, saving those emails from 2004 that I may need to reference someday...in an alternate universe.

I subscribe to Cristin Lind's blog out on Clearwater Productivity and today received an interesting post about email organization that I would like to share entitled: "How to Completely Empty Your Email Inbox." You can certainly imagine my delight when I saw this title and immediately read Cristin's tips. So check it out if you are interested in gaining more organization.

And, um, if you are like me and still have that "thank you for logging in" email from 2004, it's probably safe to delete it.

Cheers,
Renay

Hug Your Kids Today, Part 2

2008-06-17T09:09:00.002-04:00

So it's been a while since I last blogged - just a crazy few weeks! We have had some great things going on...birthdays, weddings and, Zachary is closing out his Kindergarten year. He was a lion in an end of school play and I cried through the whole thing, of course.

In a previous post, I mentioned the Hug Your Kids Today holiday coming up on July 21st. I wanted to call your attention to the website and blog where there is a new book available called, "Hug Your Kids Today! Five Key Lessons for Every Working Parent." I can't wait to read it and would also like you to check out Michelle's recent post entitled, "Forget Work-Life Balance - It's the Wrong Goal." Definitely food for thought...

Cheers!
Renay

Tales from the Soccer Field

2008-05-19T10:07:00.002-04:00

As I watched my almost 6 year old son play U6 soccer this weekend, I saw this transformation. My little sweet boy was suddenly much more aggressive and scoring goals all over the place. Now this was great but, in the process, I saw a few of the other kids feeling bad because they could not keep up with him. I also saw him engage in a few "not so sportsmanlike" comments with the other team.

As parents, we walk a fine line when helping our kids navigate the social landscape. Having been a quiet child, I don't want Zachary to be pushed around the way that I sometimes was but I also don't want him to be the bully. As I talk to other parents, it seems to be a common concern.

So how do you walk that line? And, as parents working together towards this goal, it's becoming apparent that my husband and I don't always share common beliefs. So there are also some stereotypes and gender parenting differences at play. I would welcome other thoughts on this subject so please feel free to post.

Cheers!

National Hug Your Kids Day

2008-05-14T09:26:00.002-04:00

This morning I read a newsletter that highlighted the efforts of Michelle Nichols, a former writer of BusinessWeek.com and creator of National Hug Your Kids Day on July 21. On her website, Michelle speaks about how important it is for working parents to connect with their kids: www.hugyourkidstoday.com

This article and concept really resonates with me. You know the deal...how do we get our jobs done, meet those deadlines while trying to help out at school, be there for games and attending school events? There's no easy way. But if you can do it, if you can leave early and put in extra time from home after the kids are in bed, then DO IT.

As I have said in previous posts, there are days when I'm a better employee - working late, attending evening events that are important for my company. And there are some days when I'm a better mother. But it's always important to keep the priorities straight, to know what matters most. My job is very fulfilling and interesting. It's important to me to excel, to make my mark. But nothing is more important to me than my family.

Please join me in celebrating National Hug Your Kids Day on July 21 - what a great concept!

Cheers!

Are you a control freak?

2008-05-12T12:44:00.002-04:00

I am. Don't believe me? Here are some examples:

I have been known to stand next to my daughter while she's eating so that I can quickly wipe the dripping food from her mouth.
I don't let my husband fold my laundry because I don't like how he does it.
I practically knocked a colleague out of the way when he was putting up holiday decorations for an office party because I didn't like where he was placing them.

Think I'm nuts? I'll bet some of my readers would be able to relate to these stories. I tell you about my obsessive tendencies because I have been able to overcome them in small ways. I find that by letting go of one thing at a time, it makes things less overwhelming.

If you delegate one thing at work this week, you will get a feel for letting go. And then maybe next week, you can choose not to freak out when your little girl has to wear her princess t-shirt for the third day in a row. And then the week after that, you can zip your mouth when your husband puts the dishes away in the wrong places even though he has used the same things in the same cabinets forever.

Hey, I said I was trying to let go but I don't have to be happy about it all the time.

Cheers!

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-09T08:56:00.002-04:00

If you are like me, you have received a million emails and offers re: Mother's Day. So I won't belabor the point. But I would like to wish my friends and family, as well as all of the mothers out there, a Happy Mom's Day.

Just as an aside, I told my husband that we (meaning us and the kids, in addition to my parents) should go out for brunch. To this he said, "I don't want to spend the whole day eating - I want to go out for breakfast." So, I tried to remind him that it's called MOTHER'S Day for a reason and if I want to spend the whole day stuffing myself with french toast and mimosas, then that's my prerogative. So go ahead and treat yourself to the kind of day you want, whether that's bike riding with your kids, sleeping all day or going to a movie.

Enjoy!

Empower Yourself

2008-05-07T12:31:00.003-04:00

The other day, I read a book review that included a very keen observation of women and men in the workplace. If a man has something to attend to that takes him out of the office during regular business hours, he lets people know that he will be out and that's the end of it. However, if a woman has an outside commitment, she tells all about it - what she has to do, how long it will take and throw in an apology at the end of it all. This does not necessarily include all women but there are many of us who are guilty of this.

That being said, I recently made the determination that I need to work from home from time to time. I have a much longer commute that takes me away from my family much more than in the past so I recognize that I need to do this in order to stay connected with my kids and what's going on for them at school.

When I mentally decided to do this, I started working through a whole speech in my head that I would deliver to my boss - why I needed to do this, how often, etc. Somewhere after this mental speech was developed, I stopped and thought about whether this was truly necessary. The real answer is that it's not. I'm a professional and have a proven track record of excellent work that exceeds expectations. And when I work from home, I am actually less distracted than I am at the office, accomplishing my work in less time.

Although I'm often hard on myself, I would like to publicly give myself a pat on the back, both for recognizing and changing my behavior for the better.

Today, I am working from home and spent an hour helping out at my son's school. I got to watch him interact with other kids, speak to his teacher and reconnect with his daily routine. That hour was priceless. So here's to working mothers who empower themselves and stay true to their priorities. I am one of those mothers today and proud to be.

Cheers!
Renay

New Exercise Plan

2008-04-15T09:18:00.002-04:00

Like many of the women I know, I am always trying to lose the 10 pounds that I never shed after my daughter was born. I am also coming to the realization - finally - that my body will just never be the same as it was pre-kids. And I know that all of the magazines tell you to "love your mommy body" but this mommy just can't seem to do that.

I also seem to suffer from, "I will start eating right and cut out all of those carbs but OH - just look at that small bowl of pasta calling my name and I will start eating better at my next meal" affliction. I have much less willpower than I used to.

So that leads me to understand that I need to exercise, something that I did faithfully in my 20's and early 30's, doing classes at the gym in combination with a routine of ab crunches and free weights about 4 times per week. It goes without saying that with my train+bus commute and a desire to see my children for more than 10 minutes each day, there is no way that I can fit in a regular schedule of gym time for an hour or more on any kind of regular basis.

BUT, I have a new plan! Instead of trying to carve out an impossible routine, I am now committed to long walks at lunchtime at least 3 times per week. And, I am working my arms each day for 5-10 minutes before going to bed. Then, I hope to add stomach crunches during the morning prior to getting dressed. I think that for working moms, we have to eek out the time that we can for ouselves so if that means splitting up the time into shorter stints, then I guess that's what we have to do. But I can tell you that it felt good last night to know that I had done my long walk and then worked on my upper body muscles without having to sacrifice my family time - and that is definitely worth it.

Cheers!
Renay

Guilt

2008-04-07T09:19:00.002-04:00

Today's post is entirely selfish - I need to expunge my guilt for the day. My daughter's classroom teachers have invited the parents in for a luncheon. Due to my new, lengthier commute that involves trains and buses, it is completely unfeasible for me to attend and I feel terribly guilty about it.

Having said that, my husband consoled me this morning by reminding me that I left work early last Friday to take both kids to a spaghetti dinner at my son's school and then spent the weekend partying with my daughter for her third birthday party.

The reality is that we want to be there for everything - every dinner, every dance class, every early release day. But as working parents, we always have hard choices to make. I know that I do whatever I can to be at all of the important events and many of the day-to-day things that come up. It's about that scale that balances back and forth...today it will have to balance towards the work side of the scale and I will tell myself that that is okay.

Renay

Save the Schools!

2008-04-03T11:30:00.002-04:00

Like many of us in Massachusetts, my husband and I diligently went out to vote in our town this week. Aside from the list of local officials, we voted on the $2.8M override to the budget that would enable Chelmsford to keep from closing a local elementary school, as well as a fire station.

Much to our dismay, the override did not pass which means that both the school and the station will be shut down. In addition to the obvious safety issues posed by the closing of the fire station, we are particularly concerned about the school closure. In my opinion, everyone loses here - the kids first and foremost, the teachers who have dedicated their careers to education, the school staff, the parents and really the entire town.

I understand the issue for those who lived on very tight and fixed incomes. I get it. But in addition to those people, there are others who may have children at the tail end of their high school years who feel that they should not have to spend the additional money. This is absolutely ludicrous to me and is a perfect example of the lack of community that is apparent in our society.

The reality is that my taxes have gone up like crazy in the past few years. So, honestly, the additional $200 per year does not seem like a major burden to handle in light of these increases, especially if it means that children can have access to greater resources. And I can guarantee you that when my kids are grown and have gone through school, I will continue to recognize the value of education and the importance of these resources. Good schools attract young families and fuel growth which benefits the community and me personally. Maybe if others shared this belief, we wouldn't be closing schools.

I welcome any suggestions, comments so please respond. And I hope that you don't have to see school closures in your town.

Renay

Can I really be jealous of Dora the Explorer?

2008-03-03T20:41:00.002-05:00

So at 13.5 months, Torin still only jibber jabbers, only says mama when he's really upset, will say dada occasionally, but that's the only words that we can understand. So when I tell you that I felt disgruntled towards a stuffed toy, you must understand that all I want is to hear my child look at me with that love in his eyes as he always does, and utter that word "mama". Today, after work, we played hide and seek with his big sister. We were hiding in her room and Torin points to a large stuffed doll and says DORA! I could have cried......I hate Dora and her cousin Diego (who Maya at age 3 still thinks is HER cousin). Dora is a character that I can't escape. She has infiltrated my home with her face plastered on sneakers, bedding, clothes, and yes, 400 different doll sizes.

At bed time, my mama's boy of a Son sang to me his jibbery jabbery bedtime songs, smiled, sneezed and did all the cute things that he does and then I could feel the moment that I was waiting for approach. My little Angel touched my face with the palm of his hand, paused and said...."dada"...well it's better than Dora, so I'll take it. And least I forget, there are 4 million lead infested Dora's and only one diet coke contaminated Me!

The Contradiction of "Family Values" in the US

2008-02-26T22:31:00.002-05:00

I don't generally get political but it truly amazes me that in a country where our politician spew forth comments about bringing family values back, the US is towards the bottom of the list of progress when it comes to things like maternity leave and childcare options.

In various European countries, paid maternity leave is the norm and family leave is common. There are also options for subsidized childcare.

Yet here in the US, female employees are lucky if they can take their FMLA leave and many organizations do not pay for maternity leave. And forget the concept of men taking FMLA - I am told by my male counterparts that any man who asks for this is laughed at and this is not considered acceptable.

So while in many countries there are various resources that families can take advantage of, in addition to cultural norms that involve the help of extended family in raising children, we are not so fortunate. I am sure that you can relate - as American families, we are very much on our own. Unless we have relatives who live close by and have the availability to help, we are left to find childcare, babysitters, programs and activities that enable us to be working parents. But wouldn't be amazing if we had some help instead of feeling incredibly alone in this endeavor?

I challenge you all to assemble your resources. Sometimes these come from places that we never think of and sometimes having discussions with other working parents give us new ideas. When "Working Moms Make It Work" launches events, we will do just that. Stay tuned...

Cheers,
Renay

Hungary Hippo colonoscopy

2008-02-24T13:56:00.003-05:00

What a beautiful Sunday! I am catching up writing thank you notes for my 1 year olds birthday party (5 weeks ago)...Maya is "playing" Hungary Hippos which means that she's taking the fishing rod from the Go Fish game and putting in the Hippo's back end, than making Henry Hippo eat the round balls (which is how the game is really supposed to be played). I feel bad for her future boyfriends! Torin is next to her on the floor playing with her princess figurines and crushing them with his Little People Worksite. I used to try and act like the nonstop princess play was no big deal....but I have to say, I was slightly relieved to see the figurines get a little roughened up. Torin also LOVES a purse...I need to buy him a "ManBag".

Okay, simultaneous meltdowns occurring.....

Blackberrys and pottys don't mix!

2008-02-22T14:15:00.003-05:00

Since I wasn't able to travel to see my family at Christmas this year...my mother-in-law died on Christmas day....I had to postpone the dreaded 8 hour drive with a 1 & 3 year old until February. I was committed to taking a few days with my family and then working 1/2 days the other 3, since I've run out of vacation due to sick kids. I am proud to say that I held true to my goal and I really didn't work for a long weekend. I unfortunately found that it took almost 10 hours to work a 4 hour day, as "Grammy" underestimated how busy little ones can be. She also underestimated how quick a 1 year old can move. "Grammy", who has an important job with the state, had to hang her head and call in to say that her grandson put her blackberry in the toilet. She's also hoping that no one gets ahold of the cute picture of her with Chuck.E.Cheese, the one with a small greasy handprint on her shirt right smack dab on her boob.

I enjoyed a little "me" time at Ann Taylor after "Grammy" paid me off since she couldn't pull her weight in keeping them entertained while I worked. I've learned to take bribes and just say thank you.

Can't say I'm looking forward to the drive home. I hear that there is a Winter Advisory in New England. Hurray...the 8 hours and soon be 12! Maybe I'll miss my schedule bikini wax tomorrow! I can only hope. I'm already gearing up to be mad at my husband because I heard it hurts....

I didn't hear about that...

2008-02-21T10:31:00.002-05:00

These are words that I often find myself uttering these days. Other than listening to news radio on my way to and from work, I have little other time to stay updated on current events. Well, sure - I could spend the half hour of time that I have after the kids go to sleep, I get ready for the next day, attend to paperwork, etc. watching CNN. But this is my only down time.

This topic always hits home when I am meetings with my male counterparts. They regularly chat about the books they are reading and the movies that they have seen recently. And, in my head I'm thinking, "I'm lucky that I'm wearing clean clothes today and that I can keep my calendar straight." Reading and watching movies are activities that I mainly said goodbye to when I became a working parent.

So, I try to listen to books on CD in the car. And, I forgive myself that I am not completely up on the current selection of great business books and all current events. Instead, I subscribe to newsletters so that I can get quick bits of information. I try to check out Google news when I can. And I have stopped trying to pretend that I know everything that everyone is talking about.

Cheers,
Renay

Groundhog Day

2008-02-15T12:37:00.002-05:00

I have had an incredibly stressful week - lots of meetings, presentations, etc. And, at the same time, have lots going on at home and school with projects, Valentine's Day. So, this morning when Zack said, "Mom, you missed Groundhog Day," I have to admit that I felt guilty.

Sounds ridiculous that I would care so much? Well, maybe. But last year, we watched the news in amazement as Phil left his underground home. So when Zack reminded me that I had missed it this year, I did feel bad that I had not remembered this fun little tradition that we had both shared.

As a working mother, I try to forgive myself for the things I cannot do. I'm not a superwoman and I'm certainly not the perfect Mom or the perfect employee. I am forever trying to balance that scale, recognizing that it constantly tips back and forth. Sometimes I am a better mother, attending school functions, working on projects, attending to hurt feelings. And other times, I am a better employee, working late, going the extra mile. So, as I contemplate the groundhog situation, I will try to recognize this, as hard as it may be. There's always Flag Day...

Cheers,
Renay

Seriously! When do they sleep!

2008-02-10T15:16:00.000-05:00

Hi! It's Holyn, Renay's blurried eyed, frenzied, completely disorganized, never on time friend. My past life doesn't know me that way...does type A ring a bell for any of you folks? Yeah, well at this point I don't have time to be any time and frankly, I'm too tired to care. I try to wear something white every day to symoblize my surrender.
I used to be charming, whitty, and dare I say hysterical. The only ones finding me funny these days are the voices in my head and my friends that are medicated. Hysterical has taken on a completely different meaning as well.
I would love to go on and on, but I was up with my Prince Charming from 1am to 5am because he's stubborn as hell and he takes "crying it out" to a whole new level. Big sis got up at 6:30am and dad was out of town for a guys weekend. Don't worry, I called Dad at 3:30am sobbing. No, he didn't answer...beer puts him in a coma.

Staying organized

2008-02-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

As I am finishing up a presentation at 10:30PM and wishing that I was sleeping, it also dawns on me that my son has a movie night at his school tomorrow. I have been dying to take him and was planning to call a friend to see if she and her son wanted to join us.

So now that it is the night before, I'm exhausted, have not called my friend and just realized that I have a business call that may interfere with my ability to take him to see the movie. This is very typical for me...I like to think I am organized but then find that all-important flyer the night before and also forget about a meeting. I'm scrambling and don't want to let him down.

I am committed to trying to get there on time, even if it means that I will have to race home and sit on a cold floor of the gym watching a children's movie. But I will be there with Zack and will make it all worthwhile.

That being said, I am always seeking ways to get more organized. Mind you, I have a planner, a Blackberry and every other possible gadget known to man but somehow, I still have issues with organization. If anyone has any tips or advice to offer on what system works for them, I would greatly appreciate it. Maybe I need to dump them all and just put sticky notes all over my house and office...

Sleep is calling...
Renay

Hope for Sleep...

2008-02-06T13:13:00.000-05:00

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a friend of mine today - her son had tubes put in his ears this morning. While it's a simple procedure, it's still never easy to watch your child go under anesthesia.

I am told that the procedure went well and now I will cross my fingers that my friend and her family will start getting some sleep at night. It's one thing to miss a few hours of sleep here and there but quite another to try to be a good parent and a productive employee when you're working on 3 hours of sleep per night.

Shall we start suggesting the creation of "napping rooms" to our employers? I would never wake up!

Here's wishing you all a good night's sleep!
Renay

Welcome to Working Moms Make It Work!

2008-02-05T15:29:00.000-05:00

Welcome to our new blog! My name is Renay and I have been a working Mom for about 5 years now. As working Moms, we all know the deal, right? Sleepless nights, followed by long days and hectic schedules. We love our families but many of us also love to work. After all, as professional women, many of us worked for many years and accomplished a great deal during that time.

Then, we met significant others, got married, went through that original honeymoon phase of traveling, going out for romantic dinners, the whole deal. And THEN, we got pregnant, knew that our lives would change but didn't really know what we were in for as working parents. Gone are the trips to Europe, the romantic dinners replaced by breastfeeding, diapers, daycare, illness and this interesting thing that we like to call "work-life balance."

I like to think that I have learned much during the past 5 years. I have been through all of the emotions - the guilt, the need to be productive and further my skills, the yearning to spend more time with my kids, the list goes on. But, of all the things I have learned, the most important emotion that I have gained is acceptance. I have learned to accept that I cannot always be the perfect mom, the perfect employee or the perfect wife.

What helps me to do this is to gather all of the resources that I can to be successful in each of these roles and to enjoy my life. That's what Working Moms Make It Work is all about. We seek to bring together professional women who face these challenges, create a discussion and meet to gain the tools we need for success. So join in the discussion - oh, and you will also hear from my partner in crime and another fabulous working Mom, Holyn. Together, we will launch what promises to be an organization that is committed to helping you to enjoy life as a working mother.

Cheers,
Renay